mass email #4: "so i'm getting married to a biker dude"

HAHA...i thought i would give my parents a good laugh. i am not getting married to a biker dude, or, well, at all, as of yet, or anytime soon.
moving on.

so i got a motorbike! can you even believe it? um, it is, well, different. i think it was one of the funniest experiences i have had thus far being at the motorbike shop, the guy saing "you, you good driver?" and i nodded enthusiastically, choking back the nerves, saying "yes, yes, good driver." he handed me the keys, put my on the bike, (yes, i had a helmet on dad) and away i went. let me tell you. there is nothing similar about driving a car in north america and a motorbike in thailand. they are standard, which apparently all bikes are (i wouldn't call myself a biker chick as of yet) and you have to shift with your left foot, brake with your right foor and right hand, signal with your left hand, accellerate with your right hand, and keep one thumb on the horn at all times. (i swear, they beep the horn for anything in thailand.) and so, i basically ripped my feet up a little trying to stop myself going 20k/hr with my feet (flip flops). but i am getting way better...it was just the first ten minutes that i wanted to drive into a volcano. yesterday i went to a beach with mark and brandi (co workers) and mark's girlfriend, and it was about 30k away over a mountain, and i did totally fine. i almost hit two dogs and one chicken in the middle of the road, but that wouldn't have done much damage i dont think. they probably would have served them at the roadside restaurants.

speaking of the beach, i am now a lovely shade of lobster. it's miserable. i can hardly wear clothes. i went to the beach and got stuck in the ocean because the current was so rough (people were full out surfing) and i got burnt to hell on my arms. so i am staying out of the sun for a while (read, one day.) it is amazing when people see that you have a miserabel sunburn, they feel the need to touch it and say "ow, that must hurt." you would be surprised. i actually slapped a thai teacher because she slapped my arm to see if it hurt.

i finally have my computer working, so i will have photos out sometime this week. i have only taken a few, mostly of my miserable accomodation and travels through the villages. but i will take some at the beach tomorrow. i also started a video on the beach, and i hear there is someway to make it digital and put it online. i am a little bit moronic when it comes to these things, so i will see if the it guy at school can help me. but it should be interesting, and more first hand than photos.

i also went out to a thai nightclub last night, which was my second one. (i think i mentioned the other one...) it was nice to see some western faces, but most were old raunchy men with beautiful young thai women, all about one month pregnant. (i am making the pregnant part up, but i wouldn't doubt it.) there is one thai song i have heard everywhere and i finally went and bought the cd today, and it's hilarious. it cost me a whopping $2.00!!!!! (if anyone wants cds or dvds, they are all about 50 cents to $2.50. so let me know, shipping is cheap. anyway, i digress. the nightclub. the funny thing about thailand is, and i dont know if i mentioned this, but you can bring your own rum into the bar. and so i bought a bottle for about $3.00 (would be about 40 in canada) of this local "sang sum" and we brought it in, and they bring the soda (translation for canadians: pop.) and ice, and they tend to you all night. makes for just about the cheapest and most fun night possible. both clubs i have been to have live music, and this seems to be the norm, with no cover! i have noticed some songs thais are OBSESSED WITH and i laugh every time they "rock out." to them. "zombie" by the cranberries (IN YOUR HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD, IN YOUR HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD...), "i will survive" sort of pennywise style, creed, and anything entirely filled with drums and electric guitars. it's so loud i think my ears were almost bleeding, but it was fun nonetheless. also, apparently, some german guy told me, in the men's bathroom, there is "thai massage." he said the men use the toilets and the thai women dressed in nothing come up behind them and massage their shoulders. i was wondering why there was an endless stream of men to the bathroom. all we had in the women's bathroom was toilet paper (a luxury in these parts...). also, more toilet talk, in thailand, one does not flush toilet paper, it sits in a trash can beside the toilet. when we were making our way here from hat yai, we stopped at a gas station in a village with squat toilets, and trash cans full, and no air con. i am surprised that i have lived to tell the story.

in other news, i found a nicer, less cockroach infested (i killed one in my place yesterday, he woke me up because he was trapped under my backpack. yarf.) and beautiful. it's only about 500m from where i live now...and only a little more in price, and there are lots of farang and a cleaning lady and BATHTUBS! and a swimming pool..the name is "patra mansions." i will be at the mansion...hahaha. not quite, but it is quite nice. i met a girl who lives there, and she showed me her place last night, so i will be moving there in about three weeks.

well i should get going, i bought some lame american vcds tonight and brandi and i have a date to watch them. but keep the emails coming, you dont know how nice it is to hear from all of you.

i miss you heaps, and if you want to know how to call me (lydia) please email my mom, choccow@aol.com, because she knows. or mom, email me, or something. (also, mom, i will talk to you in couple hours...oh, and one more thing, mom and dad, what is owen's email address? i can't find the right one. we will have to get him a motorbike too when he comes. all i can think about is how much he would love to ride around with me.)

gros bisous

love love love,
teacher heather. (insert wai here.)

mass email #3: "monsoon+skirt+glasses+being a farang=messy teacher"

hola

so monsoon season has begun!

what a trip of a day i have had already, and it is only 1106 am! (thursday).

first, my alarm didn't go off, and i had to come to school early to photocopy the coloring today. so i rushed into the shower, tossed on a skirt without checking out the "sitting factor" and headed out ther door. i was in my own bubble, and while in my apartment, didn't hear that it was pouring out. and so, in my flip flops (instant SPLAT shoes...) i ran down my street to the main road, past the rabid dogs and the place where the ran runs across the road every ten minutes, running through the rain with my backpack, skirt, and glasses covered in water. i was hoping to see a motorbike taxi (motorbikes are everywhere, and there are these little old thai men who ride around with these colored vests who for a small fee will take you on the back of their bikes to where you want to go.) i have taken a few before, and the skirt issue is always a little tough, but i was late. the thing is, i live in a strictly thai part of town, where there are no farang. and so by now everyone knows me, and while they used to beep at me to see if i wanted a ride, and i would should MAI OW!! (NO) today, i clapped for them (the thai way of hailing a ride) they all said "HELLO TEACHER!" useless. so i was running, clapping, slipping, and i am sure flashing a few thais, and no one would give me a ride. needless to say, i arrived at school dripping, grumpy, dirty, and miserable. one of the security guards ripped a huge sun umbrella from the ground and greeted me at the gate of the school, apologizing for the rain, as if it was his fault. wouldn't we love to have someone to really blame the rain on?

anyway, so i am at school now, in the one air conditioned room, and it is so nice. while my school is rather rustic, it is beautiful for a thai school. the anuban rooms are at the front of the school so when the parents drop their kids off in mercedes and volvos, they see blue eyed teachers with fair skin, and they know that the insane prices they are paying for their kids to learn how to say "apple" is all worthwhile. it is amazing how much the parents dont like the thai teachers. i feel terrible for the thai teachers who also speak english. (wan di, ra, rye, and god...YES...HER NAME IS GOD.:) ) they give iunstructions occasionally in our classrooms because the children do not understand. but whole another farang teacher was teaching, one of the wealthiest parents came into the classroom and said "I DO NOT WANT A THAI TEACHER TEACHING MY CHILD. I DO NOT WANT MY CHILD TO HAVE A THAI ACCENT!!" and the thing is, school has not even started yet. school does not begin until the 17th of may...but these first two weeks are called "english warm up came" where the kids come for hour and a half sessions and get to know us, and we play games and teach a few vocab things. the camp is optional, and kids are here to have fun. they dont have to wear their uniforms (either do i....and yes, i have a uniform to teach. welcome to russia.) and they are not going to be tested on how well they pass the flashcards. i have taught the kids almost all the games i know, and i think their favorite right about now is "red ligh green light." they especiually love that i drive on the wrong side (i think i have mentioned that in thailand they drive on the left side. one more thing to get used to...) and that i beep my horn like the thais. they could play this game forever. but in every class i have one student, usually a girl, who copies my every action. today i had a student who is attached to me, and she walks right at my ankles, and i trip on her every two seconds. you are not allowed to wear shoes in the thai classroom, which i prefer, teaching in bare feet is quite nice. but i tend to step on her little toes, because she hides under my skirt and around me feet. but it is adorable, nonetheless.

today is the last day for me of the warm up camp...because we had yesterday off, and we have tomorrow off as well. on tuesday night i went to a pub that is supposed to have a bunch of farang teachers there, but there was no one there but the people i teach with! we did, however, have a wicked time. we started out at the irish pub, and then went to a "secret location" i can only tell you about if you promise not to repeat it. this is a place EXACTLY like brewtopia in montreal, with a live band all of the time, and a very intimate setting. there was a group singing english songs, and in this place, for the first time, i did not feel like a foreigner. there were hardly any other foreigners, but i still wasn't looked at like a freak. the only incodent i had was, a lady boy tried to swallow my tongue. let me explain. we were upstairs, right infront of the band on the balcony, and i had to use the facilities (which, by thw way, had a sink with a label: "VOMIT STATION.") as i went downstairs, there was a lady (which was a man, more than common in thailand) who grabbed me and said "you soooooooo bee-youuu-tee-fulllll" and proceeded to lean in to kiss me. YIKES! so i turned my head and laughed, and she/he laughed also, and i quickly went back on my way. it all happened before i knew what was happening, and i have to say, it was the wierdest thing that has happened yet.

anyway, i should get going. i think i am on the only one in this lab now not doing school stuff.

but i want to clear something up. people have been sending me emails saying "i hope you dont quit." and the thing is, this is not an option. no, i dont love it yet, and yes, i would kill for a good cup of coffee and a friend, but that is not what i am here for. i came to thailand for a different experience. i came to learn about people, and to learn about myself. i came to study life, and to talk and to laugh, and yes, even to cry. i knew it was going to be hard, and i dont think i have even hit the hardest part yet. but am going to stick it out, because that is what i am here to do. i am a strong person, and i know i can get through this. these past two weeks have been so hard...nothing is how i expected. but the thing is, i am not going to leave. i am here for a year at least. i am through a lot of the initial adjustment that i have worked hard to be able to smile about. so quitting now would be a waste. so keep the letters coming, and damn it...CALL ME. anyone. i think i am forgetting how to speak english.

thanks again, and i will talk to you all soon

gros bisous

mass email #?: "sun+beach=sunburn"

oooooooooooh oh oh...my skin is on fire.

after being in thailand a little over a week i have finally managed to see the beach! i have been either flying, driving, learning, teaching or planning every day since i got here, and today we were done work at 11am, so brandi (the other girl from canada...i will eventually omit this parenthetical redundance...) and i went to patong....the most touristy beach here on the island. it was about a 20 minute bus ride over the miserable hill, but once we are up there, you can see all over. people say phuket is flat...i am sorry my friends...ontario is flat. people say quebec has mountains...once again, these hills are twice the size of the pimples in quebec. and the roads are something to rmember. we were on a huge bus we caught in town here right by the school, and it was 15 baht to get to the beach...20 k. this, is a little over a quarter!!!!!!!!!!!!! we then had lunch at this raunchy restaurant filled with weiner schnitzel german slugging back the chang...complete with thai women. (i will explain this below...) but the pad thai was good. (i was under the impression pad thai is not served here, but i was wrong...it's just called something different..CHINESE NOODLES!!! HAHA.) after being stared at like baboons eating lice off each others heads, we went to the beach about 50m away, and rented a chair with umbrella and little thai man to move it when we wanted. haha. the lazy person's dream! the beach was beautiful, and i was convinced that since it wasnt too hot, i wouldn't be burned...so no need for sunscreen right? well, not quite. i am so burnt i have been sitting in my shbathroom (thanks elle) with the shower on (thais typically dont have heated water..sounds bad, but really, it's a blessing) trying to quench my skin. but it's on fire. everywhere but my torso and bum. quite lovely looking, but hurts like a thai bathroom. we sat next to a group of men who were staring, (farang--foreigners) and one spoke to me. they turned out to be from italy, and i put my italian to good use. i think there's something to be said about learning italian at western...i got off with little to no trouble!!! but being in phuket for them is difficult because they dont speak thai, and some thais will know a little english...but italians who dont speak a word of english are in for a rough time. so one of the men was so happy to have someone to talk to he didn't shut up for the whole two hours i were there!!!

anyway, the beach was so beautiful. i dont care what people say, patong may be touristy and a little more expensive, but it sure beats any other non-existant beach in north america!!! i went swimming for a little bit and had the italians watch my bag. all i could think of was my mother telling me not to leave my bag with anyone...for fear of drugs-in-bag-incident resembling bridget jones II or brokedown palace. but i checked, they only put a few in. while i was swimming, a group of muslim malays came over to the edge of the water and waited for brandi and i. when we got out, they all had cameras and wanted to have their photos taken with is. so we agreed and had a couple taken...not knowing why and frankly, quite uncomfortable...but the girls were so cute. and then we looked behind the girls, and there was a swarm of malay tourists running towards us in full dress (hello...HOT?) with cameras in hand. so we kindly ran away and hid under our umbrella. we then ran into a fellow from malasia who studied in kiwiland, and he said that it was because we weren't wearing our street clothes, brandi has blonde hair, and i have blue eyes. he said that they are not allowed to wear shorts or even a tank top. so we were like movie stars to them. anyway. made for an interesting day.

last night brandi and i finally went into town here to see what there is in way of nightlife. and well, there's not that much. the thing is, in thailand, people dont go to bars and get sloshed as done in north america and europe. they will buy a bottle of whisky for 200 baht (5 bucks) and bring it to a restaurant and drink it there all night. which brings me to another issue. eating out in thailand. when we eat out in north america, when the meal is over, people generally leave. not quite so in thailand. when the meal is over (which usually takes about an hour and a bit...you wouldn't believe how slow i have started eating...) people sit around, chew on leaves, suck on ice, stare at one another, and chat it up. this, lasts, ALL NIGHT. so when farang go to a restaurant and want the bill in a timely manner, the looks we get are hilarious. WHAT? YOU WANT TO LEAVE? but last night we went to a little irish pub that was beautiful. a swedish guy owned it (heaps of expats own bars, restaurants after coming here on vacation and then never going back...) and there were a couple other farang inside. one guy from ireland, a couple eastern european men...but it was quite lovely...and SO CLEAN! i am sure in north america we wouldn't think anything of it, but here, it is a palace! we got to chatting, and he (the owner) has "teacher tuesdays" when all the farang teachers on phuket head there for a chang-filled night and buffet, and a good time. i think i will head there this week...no school on wednesday or friday (holidays...oh how the thais love their holidays) and see who i can meet.

as for the farang men with thai women, well, the thing is this. most men that come here alone come here with a dovirce and a couple of kids under their belts, mostly from the uk. they come here on holiday looking for sun sand and chang, and notice how the thai women look at them. quite frankly, it's not out of admiration of their beauty (trust me, i have seen these men.) but of their wallets. a farang men can provide a beautiful life for a thai women who makes about 2000 baht a month (50 bucks). and the women here are so beautiful. so they take the women, most of whom dont speak english, and treat them well. thai women dote on them and do everything for them...cook, clean, a little lovin' here and there, and the thai men buy the women a pair of shoes once a year. the women dont work...the men have savings. and in the end, the woman usually gets pregnant, the man's return ticket expires, and he spends a second life here with his thai woman and his children he begins having (usually he has some who are about 15 in the uk already...) and he is stuck here until the kids go to school, and then he heads somewhere else. it's the same old story everywhere you go. really, it's prostitution. glorified "pretty woman" if you will....thai style. but it is a double edged sword. the men i do see here, who are beautiful, really have no interest in western women, because they are only looking for fun. they ignore the same old story, and think, 'that wont happen to me' but it always does. i should know...it happened to my boss.

moving on, i should get going. i am teaching again tomorrow...it went alright yesteday. stressful...as the kids have no idea what the hell i am saying, and it is everything in my power to not pick them up by the hair and shake them and say "SAY MY NAME IS TEAM!" (one of my students...the names are wicked.) but i will write more on the teaching aspect as i have time. it's going okay, and really, just okay. i am a decent teacher, but on the first day, yesterday, all the parents kids were sitting in. super wealthy chinese families....it was a little bit of pressure. i think i flashed one of the dads by accident. note to self...wear turtlenecks.

well thanks again for the emails, and please keep them coming.

gros bisous, and i miss you all heaps

heather


oh, and i figured out what you have to dial...i think...to reach me. it would be nice if my parents would call me one of these days. ahem.
001 66 76 07 894 9368
if that doesn't work, then try adding the 0 to the province code
001 66 076 894 9368
good luck!